Kamie Can you take a look at this treatment page I wrote? This is only my second one so be brutal if necessary, so I can improve!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pq5I8YbmRbt2QYZ5HveGhHhKDzoLSt-N1kYrEFBD0TA/edit?usp=sharing

Kamie  I see your notes. Did you want to go over any of them with me, or should I just go in and update your suggestions, re-edit, and then it's good to go?

Kamie  Reminding you of my note above

Brittany  sorry for the delay! Everything looked great! Just some minor changes like breaking larger sections up so that they are easier to read.

Kamie  So am I good to finalize those edits and task this to a developer?

Kamie are these good to go? I assume so.
Let me know if you need me to help edit this Brittany  

Alyssa Brittany  this is good 

I went ahead and edited this and passed it on to Zaib. Thanks so much!

Kamie did you or Sharon write this? Can we make it a protocol to always link the source in the document? The ones here did not get linked. 

I am searching online so I can link them. These are getting missed recently.

Alyssa sharon wrote it. I apologize, she normally always links her sources so let me reach out to her and see what happened here so we have the correct source! 

Moving forward, I will be sure to double check the sources before I send them to Brittany for editing since we have a lot of new writers in the mix!

Awesome, thanks Kamie . I'll stand by for the sources. 

Alyssa the sources are on the Google Doc. I’ll drop them below

SOURCES: 

"Microneedling Devices: Getting to the Point on Benefits, Risks, and Safety." US Food and Drug Administration, 2 Feb. 2023

Kamie these are the sources listed but they are not linked. Thats what has been getting missed, the links aka hyper-link/source URL

Alyssa
Ohhhhhhh! Sorry my mind wasn't picking that up correctly. 

Here are the sources with the links:
"Microneedling Devices: Getting to the Point on Benefits, Risks, and Safety." US Food and Drug Administration, 2 Feb. 2023. Link.

Skin resurfacing procedures: new and emerging options. Clinical, Cosmetic, and Investigational Dermatology. 2014. Link.

Kamie Alyssa  I actually wrote this page, just FYI. I have taken a note for myself about the links. 

Brittany  for some reason Ivonne had me also assign it to Sharon so I think some wires were crossed. I'll make a note of this so we know we have an extra Potenza page on deck when another order comes in! Thanks for letting us know!!

Hey team Kamie Brittany   this content was written with AK (Alaska) instead of AR (Arkansas) and there are quite a few monotonous sentences and things that could use rephrasing.  

I am trying to get a hold of Vania to get specifics that the client pointed out in grammatical things, we will make notes in the document directly. I will follow up after. 

Alyssa  Whoops. I'm a dummy. This is my first and only treatment page so please let me know when the document is updated so I can take a look for future reference. Thank you!

Brittany Kamie and I both overlooked it, too. These pages can be pretty technical if not used to writing them. I will let you know, but some things I found below. Kamie can you go through it again and provide some constructive feedback for Brittany?  

With Grammarly and what I am seeing- there is passive language, things that need to be rephrased/reworded, repetitive word use, unclear phrasing, and sentences that could be combined.  

Their team will also be sending over edits. We need to rework this. 

Brittany Alyssa  I just checked the doc and changed where it had AK to AR. Let me know if you need me to do anything else. I will make a note for this client in the future to make sure we avoid that mistake!

Kamie there needs to be more done than that. Can you please see my previous comment? The client isn't a fan of how things are worded. I am still waiting for their notes but can you please go over it carefully with Grammarly and see some of the suggestions I mentioned?  

Alyssa sorry I missed that comment. Brittany  do you want to do the edits since this is your page or would you like me to edit it? Just let me know and I can get it finished today!

Kamie Can you try on your end? My Grammarly says there's nothing wrong with it. lol.

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Alyssa As far as combining sentences, I separated those on purpose to lower the readability score, so if we combine them, the score will go back up. As long as the client doesn't mind that, we can do it. Many of our service pages are written in passive voice, at least the ones I edit, including Kamie's, so I just figured that's how they were supposed to be. Kamie can you go through and fix those instances in the document please?

Guidelines are constantly adapting, at the end of the day, there are some factors that make the most substantial content and provide the best product that wows the client.

I'll let Vania  explain more since she had direct interaction with this client. 

Let me get her full notes back and I’ll update task. Just want to be sure after her initial criticism that we do whatever we can to wow her now with the content. All of it is a moot point really once the client gives us back anything less than positive feedback. At that point we just have to sparkle it up anywhere we can. I hope Alyssa didn’t seem as if she was being nit picky because she was relaying my suggestions. I’d like it to be perfection as she reviews it with the dr. This is our second chance to put our best work on their desk. 
I just sent her the micro site links again yesterday that she requested. 

Brittany Alyssa here is the final Google Doc with my revised service page. I left all of my edits and feedback on the original google doc for Brittany to review. So this is a clean version of the final draft. I used the extra page we had from another writer to add some additional sections and up the word count to provide the client with more content to hopefully make them happier. Please let me know if you would like any additional changes. I think it would be nice if we could provide some attractive, unique graphics for this page but I'm unsure if we have very many available. Just a suggestion. 

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eVaxW6_d7R57xT8x9lQeV85kdVcCttItY6UfCKA1058/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks Kamie ! I fwd to Vania to send to the client, I will get this in motion on the web dev to update. 

If Brittany has suggestions on photos and where to add, then sure we could add a little more imagery. 

Alyssa  just double check my work and add any additional edits you think would be valuable. I want them to really love this revised version

Can we close this task, team?

Alyssa  Im thinking yes right? ^^